Although I know you meant it
but couldn’t live like that and eventually started
throwing up stuff we didn’t put there.
Laments nearer the barrel imagine your presence,
but you are gathered within a residence of rented music,
biding your time till your father’s trial. Even you don’t know
if he committed the atrocity alleged. All those boys, all those clocks,
how come nobody saw? And if they did, who exaggerated?
That’s suburbia for your worst explosion, leaving the bloody centrifuge
only to find another forbidden cloth, the murdering rag, the gun
and other sordid accoutrements. You puked after you saw the screen,
that’s okay, so did I, everyone in the courtroom did, those pews
and your tennis shoes will never be clean.
But at least
they paid for lunch.
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2 Comments
I know you are expressing yourself as a writer, and I’m not criticizing those skills in any way. Please keep writing and contributing! I just have a problem with the subject matter and the end-product of this rancid piece.
I cannot grasp whatever level of pain and agony you sought to evoke in your readers. The reader is left to wonder where all of the hatred and morbid scenes come from in the first place? Just for sport? Just because you can?
“That’s suburbia for your worst explosion, leaving the bloody centrifuge”
Huh?
I have no idea what you are talking about. It may be crystal-clear in your head, but your paper-words are a soup of negativity and atrocious scenarios, without any apparent purpose.
“At least they paid for lunch.”
I have no idea what this poem means, but the “spirit” of it came through loud and clear. Something somewhere sucks, for some reason or other, and someone must be at fault for that, and by the way, society and people suck too.
Did I at least get the tone part of this poem right?
Tell me if I missed the boat on your poem. I’m not a published writer or a literary expert– I’m just browsing the internet.
And keep on writing, even if dickheads like me give you shit about it!
J
the poem itself i believe is expressing deep anger, disappointment, hatred, betrayl, and confusion.honeslty i am confused reading this poem. i understand the emotion your are tryin to portray, but as said what is paying for lunch in the end of the poem really trying to say? is it the fact that it was this persons last meal and in what content are you trying to relate it to everything else you are saying, i read this and half way through i have a feeling of what you are trying to say but in the end i lost it some how. instead of leaving this openion on what i feel is out of place i am curious as to what this poem is truely about? what are you really trying to say?