The artist’s treat
Written by WritingSugar
Secretly yours and primeval beat,
Our virgin bodies are preceding production.
Skins generating indispensable heat,
An artistic cadence of vital seduction.
Touch, smell, and kiss- my soul is complete.
Feel the lines and curves as an introduction
An open valley, come, no need to be discreet.
I want everyone to know the suction
Your kisses derives of my mind, let us replete
The endless strokes, which broke an artist’s construction
A public performance, our love is a treat.
This post has 8 comments
March 24th, 2009
Wow. Your meter is alive and well tonight! I like it and wont mess with your timing! But I think the last line is too passive. It doesn’t seem to fit with the rest of the poem. May I replace the last line?
“A public performance, our love is a treat”
I’m just playing with your words a lil’ bit, Sugar! I hope you don’t mind. It’s just for fun.
Your poem was very aggressive and a lil’ racy. It rushes forward hotly but ended a little too squishy and weak at the end. Just my opinion. I think your poem needed to have a “sexier” ending. Now I’m in big trouble, suggesting that a married lady write a “hotter” ending to her poem!
jpd (in BIG trouble now!)
Lemme’ know if you think
March 25th, 2009
Thanks…I like your ending better…I was having trouble with the ending and was hoping you would say something..lol… I am still waiting to see a short story from you, you know..I think your holding back on us…
March 25th, 2009
Thank you for your nice words, but the stories I write are long and tedious. I spent YEARS working on a novel that is unreadable and which only makes sense to me. I gave up on my novel in 2007, and I took the next year off, and only started writing again recently.
Would I trade all that time I spent on my novel? No way!
I became a better person by writing. Even though my novel sucked, it was GOOD for me to write it. We’ve talked about this in other postings. Any time you can step out of yourself, and write from a different perspective, it is a benefit to the WRITER. Writing makes us “whole” people who are able to step back and look at the world from many different people’s point of view.
THAT is way cooler than signing any mega-million dollar book deal. I’m just as bankrupt and poor as I was in 2006, but the way I view life today has no comparison to the way I felt in 2006. I’m not focused on the “book deal” anymore. I’m focused on the people I meet in life who make our retarded, little, world such a pleasant place to live in. Despite all of our wrongs.
At the end of the day, we get to pick and choose how we view our own lives. Our place in the world. Writing helps, I think.
March 25th, 2009
Which reminds me! Where has Karamelkandi gone? I hope she went to Aruba or Fiji or someplace nice!
March 26th, 2009
I agree. With writing there’s no limit to the things you can achieve. All the things that seen out reach in reality can be just a pen and paper away.
March 26th, 2009
Yeah I don’t know where she disappear to…maybe reality got in the way or she’s hiding and will soon come out with a powerful poem that will have us talking and thinking till the next year. I love how her poem always make you think about your life in a way you forgotten.
March 29th, 2009
I’m HOPING reality DOES get in the way for KaramelKandi, but in a GOOD way! (wink wink) She might just be working on her next “after-dark” poem! I’m rooting for her! Go KK, wherever you are!
Anyways, (whew!) I did finally post a short-story of my own. I wasn’t holding-out on you. I was just to lazy to retype it until now…
March 30th, 2009
Lol I saw… I will have to go and read it soon… Been to busy at work lately and no time to read anything or write anything.