Once, not long ago
I tried it
Popping pills like peanut M&Ms
No separation
Only desperation
I was determine, a goal seeker
Achievement set in permanent
A name grave in stone
Remember me, remember me
It sang so softly, a jealous wind
Would have kept company

Once, not long ago
I felt it
The same anguish feeling
The desire to throw oneself over the edge
The minutes in my life resemblances
The seconds are getting too close
To that same shameless sentiment
Anger, sadness, loneliness,
All the emotions that spins itself
Out of proportion- a golden pear
Molding, diminished over the years.

Once, not long ago
I almost gave up
A cheese grown moldy,
Harden by its bitterness,
The taste of anger still stings
Like an aged tequila from Jalisco
That feeling, that same old feeling
Of waiting to be free
Wanting to at last know,
Wanting to cross the definite line
Of life and death

Once, not long ago
I lay on a hospital bed,
Forgiven, I had to accept for myself
For doing the things I’ve done
The desire to punish myself
Was greater than the bitterness
And shamefulness that has made its place
In the corner of my heart

Once, not long ago
I was told,
I had to forgive myself
For if I do not forgive myself,
Who will?
The guilt will settle comfortably
Always a shadow, walking along side me
Watching me, patiently waiting
For that feeling to come again

Once, not long ago
I forgive-
And so I lived

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