II

 

The building looked familiar.

And for the life of me I couldn’t silence the pending notion

Twirling in my head of the building’s importance.

It called me forth; a sultry siren beckoning me forth

 

My eyes narrowed when I realized this was the apartment

Derek and I had originally planned to buy.

The apartment with counters and cracks

I had touched and memorized to its finish.

 

When I realized we couldn’t afford it

My heart broke; it opened a new door

Named disappointment.

I realized now that this must have been the beginning.

 

The timing was right.

The timing was right for when doubt decided

To visit me, or I should rather say, stayed with me.

After that every dark corner was inspected by me.

 

I had thousands of questions,

Thousands of reasons pounding in a clenching

Tune with my heart. What was Derek doing here?

The possibility, my heart squeezed so tight-

 

I paused to collect myself before following him.

Each step; each breathe; throbbed louder

Than the declaration of a war beat

A conflict reaching its climax, I exhaled.

 

Why was I the only one hearing it?

I wanted to go back home.

Back to the cocoon Derek had created for me.

Back in time, before the decision to move settled.

 

I waited and watched as Derek drew a key

And got in the building. I was stuck in awe

That I almost lost the floor he was heading to.

But somehow I would have known which room even—blinded.

I followed—moving without the little

Protection the night was previously given me.

I knew the floor, I knew the door.

Just as it knew me.

 

I hide behind the door and

Time cease to exist while I counted

The mysterious numbers hidden in a second.

The door open—I froze.