I looked around the apartment.
My soul was stuck in a bitter turmoil;
For the place looked exactly like I had pictured.
I stared at Derek.
“What are you doing here?”
He asked me. I looked at him and asked
“Shouldn’t that be my question?”
He arched one of his eyebrows.
“I want you to know that when you get home,
Package your things and leave.”
He looked surprised at my command,
As if I would allow a cheating man to remain with me.
“I will send you the divorce papers,
And you can have whatever you want,
I just want the apartment and left alone.”
I watched him take a seat.
“Sit down!”
He said it softly but I heard the clenching threat and demand
In his voice and the ticks in his cheeks.
I sat down.
“You have known me for ten yes and
Now you decide you want to divorce
Me without a reason.”
I thought he was joking until I looked at his face.
“Derek, I saw you!”
I said quietly for I wasn’t sure what was happening anymore.
Why would he try to deny something I saw?
He got up and slammed his fist into the kitchen wall.
“You ungrateful little bitch!”
I was bit thrown back for this was the first
Time I ever heard Derek curse.
My heart crack wider than the wall.
“I did all of this for you and this is what I get?”
He wasn’t done.
“I worked late each night; came here to work;
So I can buy you this fucking apartment!”
He wasn’t done.
“This is how you repay me,
You untruthful little bitch”
I stood up.
“Sit down!”
He pushed me back on the couch.
The cushions were the only comfort I got.
“All of this for you and you accuse me of cheating.”
“I saw you!”
I cried out.
“I saw you smiling, laughing, she had a ring on.
And this is my apartment! I wanted it first!”
I knew I sounded like a baby.
I could have slept with my shame
For a lifetime never even come
Close to the regret living inside of me.
“You saw me! Yes you saw me doing all
those things. Where is your trust that you
promise me long ago? Have I ever giving you
any reasons to doubt me?”
I didn’t say a word. I didn’t have an answer
That wouldn’t sound childish;
That wouldn’t sound ignorant;
That wouldn’t sound insignificant.
Shame was boiling inside of me
For I knew that the trust that was built
Over ten years was crumbling to pieces
When I first doubted Derek.
Two months, three days, five hours, and twenty seconds-
I watched Derek gave one white lie.
At the time if I had talked to him
I would have known the reasons.
Instead I found myself brooding
About the reasons behind the lie
Instead of the lie he actually told.
I cried.
“I want you to go home, pack your stuff
And leave. You can stay here, since
It’s the apartment you wanted-
I will send for you when I am ready.”
I didn’t beg.
I got up and walked out the door.
I was please for what was left of the night
Covered my agony and disgrace.
Once again, I blended myself with the night
Hoping to fight some of my shame off.
I tried walking backward.
Maybe reencounter the stolen love and peace we used to have.
What was done was done.
I didn’t know if Derek would forgive me
For the thin line of trust
Between Derek and I has been breached.
Where did we move on from all things broken?
When he will doubt whatever I say
And I will doubt rather he believed what I said.
The future will not show itself to me.
I heard the truth.
I heard the wind.
I heard the darkness.
If only I hadn’t read between the lines.
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