Comments on: Paid Pleasure http://www.heavenskyy.com/paid-pleasure/ Read.Write.Publish Thu, 13 May 2010 03:12:22 -0400 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.6 hourly 1 By: sugar http://www.heavenskyy.com/paid-pleasure/comment-page-1/#comment-482 sugar Tue, 20 Oct 2009 19:40:12 +0000 http://www.heavenskyy.com/?p=1726#comment-482 Thank you. Yeah the story is very deep and it's a topic not everyone is comfrotable with either reading or talking about...but it's something that happens.. we hear all the times. Thank you.

Yeah the story is very deep and it’s a topic not everyone is comfrotable with either reading or talking about…but it’s something that happens.. we hear all the times.

]]> By: jpd http://www.heavenskyy.com/paid-pleasure/comment-page-1/#comment-481 jpd Mon, 19 Oct 2009 22:38:18 +0000 http://www.heavenskyy.com/?p=1726#comment-481 Very good story-telling. I dislike the subject matter, but the story was told very well! Good job painting the scenery and surroundings. This was also a good example of using POV in writing-- the first 1/2 of the story was told from his point of view, the 2nd half from hers. The transition was a little bumpy when I read the line "she remembered to sway her hips" because I was still thinking it was his POV. But now that I re-read it, the POV changed when she went to the bathroom. There was also a double-space between paragraphs at that spot. A section break. It's good for writers to create scenes like this which tell a story from each POV. You have to think what the characters can see or not see, and what know or don't know about the motives of the other party. Nice job Sugar! Very good story-telling. I dislike the subject matter, but the story was told very well! Good job painting the scenery and surroundings.

This was also a good example of using POV in writing– the first 1/2 of the story was told from his point of view, the 2nd half from hers. The transition was a little bumpy when I read the line “she remembered to sway her hips” because I was still thinking it was his POV. But now that I re-read it, the POV changed when she went to the bathroom. There was also a double-space between paragraphs at that spot. A section break.

It’s good for writers to create scenes like this which tell a story from each POV. You have to think what the characters can see or not see, and what know or don’t know about the motives of the other party.

Nice job Sugar!

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