I am tired of scientific findings. Every now and then theres some ominous danger lurking behind something I enjoy doing and then afew months or even years later they will tell me, “oh never mind thats not really harmful” I mean wtf? They will also tell you that certain things are of great benefit to your health and general well being so I spend my precious time trying these noble ideas and then 5 years later they tell me, “oh, according to recent findings, jogging everyday is detrimental to your knees..” Crap! How will I reclaim those wasted years being careful to avoid something I actually enjoyed or reluctantly practising a behaviour I detested in order to stay fresh? . I am tempted not to listen to them but then again you do not know when they might be right. Granted some things like smoking there’s no doubt that all those carcinogens could cause fatal illnesses but when you tell me that my cellphone will cause cancer of the brain and then later you tell me that theres no actual evidence of that, you are just pissing me off. I am not against science or research with a goal to try and cure some of these killer diseases, I just wonder if the money spent studying the benefits of eating fish might be better spent looking of a HIV vaccine. Speaking of fish, turns out that eating fish doesn’t really help in better brain development. Shocking! Scientists have recently ‘discovered’ that there’s no extra benefits gained from an intensive fish diet. Why the hell did they make me annoy my roommates and workmates with that irritating pungent and smelly fish for all those years? I remember back in college, my dorm room stank of omena (a small 2-inch long fish found in Lake Victoria in Western Kenya). My 24/7 quest to be smarter by combining studies with a relentless omena eating habit, almost made me an outcast. And then I read in the paper yesterday that fish doesn’t really improve brain development, are you kidding me? The feeling I equate to that is the disappointment and anger I felt when I slowly discovered that the religious upbringing I went through was based on myth and unproven facts. Theres so many things I could have tried and enjoyed if i didn’t have the fear that God is watching. I am still trying to catch up on some things just to revenge on those days I had to live a pure life so I can be the Papa’s good boy,but thats a story for another day. I have henceforth decided that if something makes my life better in my own “unlearned” judgement, then I will do it with the zest of a kid who has just learnt how to walk. Bring on those mashed potatoes with a roasted fat goat and afew beers to boot. Let’s enjoy this ride because after all we are all heading to the same place, aren’t we?
Lost in My Head
If you think of the word lost,it could have lots of meanings. One could be lost in their thoughts, sense of direction, reality, and all sorts of loss of bearing. However the being lost from yourself could be the greatest of all losses. Because it doesn’t matter who you are but who you believe yourself to be. You could be the smartest person in the world but if you think you are an imbecile,then thats exactly what you are. The mind is the strongest most guiding factor in who we ultimately become. To be a master of your own destiny requires a strong mind, one that never for a moment lets the circumstances change how you think about yourself. I for example am not the smartest person in the world but I know for sure that if you ask me how I got here and why I am typing this at 3 am in the morning, I would tell you that I have control of my mind, but do I? Well,you might say its debatable if you know me or you are not familiar with me enough to decide, but for me I KNOW I do. I realise that the grandiosity of that statement might be a turn off for some but its just the plain truth. I can eat shit out of a toilet and not even heave and at the same moment I have this believe in my head that I can’t let a snake in my sight…it’s all in the mind and i know if i was to fall in a ditch full of snakes, I would still come out alive. What am I saying here? I am simply stating that to be who you wanna be is a very conflicting ideal,because you can’t always be who you are but also u can’t lose yourself otherwise you will never recognise who you were to begin with. All you can do is try is to be you, and hope others recognise it as not an overblown ego but an expression of individuality that makes us all unique. This world has got lots of distractions that make us stray from the real persons that we were born to be. We have become ‘actors’ in a movie that the director never says cut and we end up overplaying our roles and therefore losing ourselves in those roles. If you doubt that you are an actor in the movie of life then listen to yourself the next time you talk to your boss or your parent or your spouse. That’s not you. And thats OK because thats what life has taught us and you gotta do what you gotta do to stay in the game. However when you are alone sitting in the dark or on a sleepless night who are you to yourself? Are you lost to yourself?
Night Train
Chugging gently along the frozen tracks
The steady rhythm of the electric engine is like a lullaby
Slowly and irresistibly drawing me to a half-slumber
My eyelids can’t stay open and only peer open at every stop when the doorbell chimes
My brain is getting clouded by the illusion of a perfect resting place
Only the occasional whiff of foul-smelling recycled air serves to poke holes in this bubble
A reminder that the journey home is far from done…
Tiffany Williams
Gun. Bam. Gone. Not yet. Still lingering. The taste of copper, the taste of salt. A weight, in her arms. Limp. The weight moves to her chest. Blood on her chest. Blood on her hands. The air is hot, burning. Voices dance around. Blood. Something shrieks. Blood. Her mother knew. She feels him move away. She knew. A hole. An endless hole. Screaming. Her screaming. Her screaming in the past, through the past, into the present. She’s screaming-
Tiffany Williams wakes sitting up right, every muscle in her body tense, ready to run or to fight. For a moment her mind seems to be frozen, unsure of where she is or what she’s doing. Then it all comes back in a flash, and she lies back down with a sigh.
She looks at the alarm on the table beside her, and sighs again. 3 am. To early to get up, but based on past experiences, she won’t be getting much sleep either. She turns on a light and grabs a worn book from the end table, hoping a couple pages will knock her out.
Bam. Copper. Hot. The dream starts to come back, vague feelings and images. It doesn’t matter; she knew what it was about. It’s the same one that always wakes her up in a panic.
She tries to push the memories back, to concentrate on the words before her. But they float away, not strong enough to keep her attention. She feels that weight in her chest, heavier than anything she’s ever known. It wants to pull her down, back into that time and place. She gets out of bed, hoping that a glass of water will distract her.
Walking by her dresser, she notices a picture that’s been sitting there for years. She picks it up, fingering the worn edges. She barely ever pays it any mind, but tonight it fascinates her. It’s of her and two of her sorority sisters, sitting on the deck of their old Greek house. They’re holding drinks, wearing short shorts and bikini tops, smiling joyous smiles. Nothing would ever go wrong in these girls’ lives. They’re rich, and beautiful, and never had a moment of real pain. She looks around her little room, with the paint chipping off the walls, the worn bed and the stained sheets, and the discount clothes thrown haphazardly on the floor. And she looks in the mirror, something she so often tries to avoid. The girl in the picture is tanned with long luxurious blonde hair. The girl in the mirror has lost that tan, and her hair is flat and unkempt. But the eyes are the biggest difference. They were once so happy and expressive.
Now they look back at her with pain and a deep sadness. So few years have passed, but so much has changed. So much….. Read More