When you meet someone for the first time…Think about it, what do u feel? What do u think? What do you say? I am sure for most the answer would be “it depends on the situation” . It may well do but at the same time, the easiness to which the reaction supposedly depends on the situation really projects our insecurities. Why do we spend most of our time thinking about what others are thinking about us? Why don’t we ever realize that other people are busy thinking about what we are thinking about them? Why does the situation dictate how we are going to react to a stranger?

I am sure you are not reading my article because you are so eager to answer annoying philosophical questions. Therefore, I will give you my theory and maybe you can prove, disprove, or otherwise just leave it alone.

My theory is that we are so insecure because we live in an age where instincts have been reduced to “vibes.” I am sure when Homo habilis was still kicking, he did not have the word “vibes” in his dictionary. Hell, he did not even have a language to explain his reactions to the occasional stone ager he came across. He just knew by instinct whether the newest acquaintance was friend or foe, I mean back then I don’t think there were fake friends..or as we call them nowadays, backstabbing bastards.

Why am I going back so far? I should just talk about our brothers and sisters in the wild. The king lion, the venomous (apparently conniving) snake and the amazing insects. They live through instinct ( although that’s what they probably say about human beings) They know when to stop and when to run without wondering if they are making a mistake because they trust their instinct.

Human beings are crippled by the second thought, which I like referring to as “Doubting Thy Inborn Instinct”-DTII (I know. It will never catch on). We are constantly battling our inner intuition commonly referred to as gut feeling. We never know when the feeling is right or when its subject to our own irrational fears.

Our collective instinct is ultimately compromised that way. And therefore, don’t wonder why the guy sitting next to you on the bus did not answer you when you commented about the weather. You started a battle inside the poor guy when you turned to him with a smile. He is wondering if he should just agree with you about the nice spring weather and then go back to his iPod or psp, or whether he should pre-empt an annoying conversation with an overfriendly passenger for the rest of the journey by pretending he did not hear you.

As we grow older, the overwhelming internal battle intensifies and we find ourselves so isolated, as we no longer are able to make simple acquaintances. We look for a motive behind every move and the deceit behind every smile. Many times, we may have missed on rare chances to make great long-term relationships, but also at times, we could have saved ourselves from unbearable grief. And just as our fellow animals in the wild, we are not always right and we may live to regret the best of chances we missed, but so far, we have managed to keep our heads on our necks and I guess that is the ultimate triumph. Don’t you think?…

If you think of the word lost,it could have lots of meanings. One could be lost in their thoughts, sense of direction, reality,  and all sorts of loss of bearing. However the being lost from yourself could be the greatest of all losses. Because it doesn’t matter who you are but who you believe yourself to be. You could be the smartest person in the world but if you think you are an imbecile,then thats exactly what you are. The mind is the strongest most guiding factor in who we ultimately become. To be a master of your own destiny requires a strong mind, one that never for a moment lets the circumstances change how you think about yourself. I for example am not the smartest person in the world but I know for sure that if you ask me how I got here and why I am typing this at  3 am in the morning, I would tell you that I have control of my mind, but do I? Well,you might say its debatable if you know me or you are not familiar with me enough to decide, but for me I KNOW I do. I realise that the grandiosity of that statement might be a turn off for some but its just the plain truth. I can eat shit out of a toilet and not even heave and at the same moment I have this believe in my head that I can’t let a snake in my sight…it’s all in the mind and i know if i was to fall in a ditch full of snakes, I would still come out alive. What am I saying here? I am simply stating  that to be who you wanna be is a very conflicting ideal,because you can’t always be who you are but also u can’t lose yourself otherwise you will never recognise who you were to begin with. All you can do is try is to be you, and hope others recognise it as not an overblown ego but an expression of individuality that makes us all unique. This world has got lots of distractions that make us stray from the real persons that we were born to be. We have become ‘actors’ in a movie that the director never says cut and we end up overplaying our roles and therefore losing ourselves in those roles. If you doubt that you are an actor in the movie of life then listen to yourself the next time you talk to your boss or your parent or your spouse. That’s not you. And thats OK because thats what life has taught us and you gotta do what you gotta do to stay in the game. However when you are alone sitting in the dark or on a sleepless night who are you to yourself? Are you lost to yourself?

I use to dream about a time in my life where the world would reward me for all the good I tried to do. I kept my chin up and kept hope alive that even in the darkest of days I would one day have an answer to why I am so alone. I was always told that good guys finish last, and I was a shining example of that; always taking people with the worst dealt hands I could find and providing them with a stepping stone out of the pit which was their lives. I had never known that by doing so, someday a person strong enough with the one thing I was missing could find me, and pull me out of my own pit, the pit called loneliness. I’ve had issues and things to hold me back in my life, I’ve had troubles and fears, I couldn’t imagine even trying to compile the fears; but there is no need at all anymore. For being who I am, has brought me you, my perfect dream come true.

And as the days goes by,

No reason to ever ask why,

For the happy days are here,

Shaping my vision crystal clear,

I know what’s in my heart,

A key which shall never depart,

The path which has imbued,

Each thought to forever include,

The light you’ve brought to me,

And the beautiful smile I see,

Each time I look in your eyes,

The wonderful surprise,

It simply all began,

Simply being who I am,

In return it has brought me you,

My perfect dream come true.