I have never known this feeling-
This Restlessness and fearfulness;
All turning my stomach like rotten eggs
Its slothful clenching turns my inside out
My glorious reflection tumbles and crumbles
A lonesome river’s surface asunder
When you looked away; the turn of your head
Shifted the Earth’s axis
An imbalance of stored emotions quiver
The greatest battle my tears have ever shed
Eagerly escaping, dreadful with
Luminous hopes and failed wishes.
As your hand slipped from mine,
I lost a part of me, slowly slipping
Through time, your mercurial nature
Revealing in a soulful gut twisting kiss
Your hollow glaze burns into mine
Brighter than the sun’s glaze but still
Falling short in love’s pain. I lost
All when you walked away.
It’s been long
Prehistoric emotions kept ashore
The tranquil wave soon increasing its altitude
While my toes wiggled its soft sands,
Reminding me of the unresolved decisions
Left buried
So long
Time is never-ending, its slow abundance
Of seconds tickled loud echoes, tuning with
My pounding heart. My legs twitching
To a tribal dance underneath the sun’s ray
I saw you Continue reading →
Daddy left
So much to be said
But my teeth had scatter my tongue so poorly
A goodbye wasn’t even tempted
Nothing came out; I stood there and didn’t even fight
To say the words that had been slowly prepared
Two nights ago when I tripped over his yellow suitcase
Shame still follows me home,
Its intensity became my fame
Disgrace—my reflection likes to hurl at me
A dagger would be a smoother pain
Because when it happened
My young heart was frayed out my flat chest
On the floor left to bleed
Bit dramatic but true, I had to wipe the mess
The drastic realization when I dropped the knife
My wrist slowly bleeding, of course it had to be slow
So I can think about my actions
The loneliness slowly creeping behind me
Waiting and dancing to the ‘Saddest goodbye’
Momma left
So much to say but
The beginning has shattered my speech
You would think that I learned
But the pain, greater than before stopped me
I wanted to reach out, asked the reasons why
When she took her bags, my young feet stalking
Closer than her shadow,
My knees scratched from crawling on the floor
Begging and pledging, that was the first and last time I begged
I left
My childhood dreams and hopes
Crumbing more than bread crumbs
I cried- the last time I cried
My eyes stood clear and bright
The sun compare to me, was such a wasteful shame
But deep instead, in the corner of what’s left of my broken
Heart, people are always leaving.
How the day started so amazing is a mystery to me,
Woke up earlier than usual but it made no difference
A few more seconds in bed was the last thing to cross
My mind, A few more minutes in the shower to wake me
No longer exists, I was wide a wake, lost in a trance
The minutes flowed into hours; before I knew It I was late,
Leaving the house, I knew my boss would be mad,
Still it didn’t seem to bother me this time
Ran down the stairs, I didn’t eat,
The thought never crossed my mind
Put on my shoes,
Never noticed how it completes the outfit,
Or complimented the pigments of my skin
It was cold outside but strangely it didn’t bother me
The sun was shining;
It let off a bright florescent glow,
How beautiful it made the neighborhood seem,
It’s going to be a beautiful day
I got into the car; the radio never bothered me,
Or the usual bad drivers on the
Road that I usually cursed and swear at
It didn’t bother me, never made a difference
I got to my desk, my mind began to flow
Like the wind dancing with the ripples of ocean
A face replays it self, a word, a gesture
Usually this would bother me
Not today
The sun is shinning the day is perfect, nothing mattered
But the way the sun glistened off the roof top, and shine its
Light so effortlessly on my skin, and brought forth
The beauty that was hidden from within and
Had now made its appearance upon me
It didn’t matter that my friends were mad at me
Or that my ex who I loved, never loved me
The day was perfect, how could this be
It’s there, patiently waiting
The loneliness slowly skulking
Secretly entering the corner of my eyes
I try not to blink. Please don’t blink.
The tears won’t stop.
Breathe
Breathe
I can do this!
I been through worst then this
But at the moment comparison doesn’t come close
I should know better, I’m stronger then this-
Breathe
Breathe
Waiting, I keep waiting
Every word is a knife cutting me deeply
The layers peeling like Spanish onions
The layers uncovering like Russian Dolls
Breathe
Breathe
I can do this; of course I can do this!
I have been through this before:
13- Daddy left
20- Mama left
Now am older, wiser, but some how
The pain is stronger, the tears unstoppable
I don’t know whose next?
I don’t want promises, love, and peace
I want to fight so that way when you leave,
The pain, will be numb, dead-
Breathe
Breathe
Somehow between reminding myself to breathe
I forgot to live.