When you meet someone for the first time…Think about it, what do u feel? What do u think? What do you say? I am sure for most the answer would be “it depends on the situation” . It may well do but at the same time, the easiness to which the reaction supposedly depends on the situation really projects our insecurities. Why do we spend most of our time thinking about what others are thinking about us? Why don’t we ever realize that other people are busy thinking about what we are thinking about them? Why does the situation dictate how we are going to react to a stranger?

I am sure you are not reading my article because you are so eager to answer annoying philosophical questions. Therefore, I will give you my theory and maybe you can prove, disprove, or otherwise just leave it alone.

My theory is that we are so insecure because we live in an age where instincts have been reduced to “vibes.” I am sure when Homo habilis was still kicking, he did not have the word “vibes” in his dictionary. Hell, he did not even have a language to explain his reactions to the occasional stone ager he came across. He just knew by instinct whether the newest acquaintance was friend or foe, I mean back then I don’t think there were fake friends..or as we call them nowadays, backstabbing bastards.

Why am I going back so far? I should just talk about our brothers and sisters in the wild. The king lion, the venomous (apparently conniving) snake and the amazing insects. They live through instinct ( although that’s what they probably say about human beings) They know when to stop and when to run without wondering if they are making a mistake because they trust their instinct.

Human beings are crippled by the second thought, which I like referring to as “Doubting Thy Inborn Instinct”-DTII (I know. It will never catch on). We are constantly battling our inner intuition commonly referred to as gut feeling. We never know when the feeling is right or when its subject to our own irrational fears.

Our collective instinct is ultimately compromised that way. And therefore, don’t wonder why the guy sitting next to you on the bus did not answer you when you commented about the weather. You started a battle inside the poor guy when you turned to him with a smile. He is wondering if he should just agree with you about the nice spring weather and then go back to his iPod or psp, or whether he should pre-empt an annoying conversation with an overfriendly passenger for the rest of the journey by pretending he did not hear you.

As we grow older, the overwhelming internal battle intensifies and we find ourselves so isolated, as we no longer are able to make simple acquaintances. We look for a motive behind every move and the deceit behind every smile. Many times, we may have missed on rare chances to make great long-term relationships, but also at times, we could have saved ourselves from unbearable grief. And just as our fellow animals in the wild, we are not always right and we may live to regret the best of chances we missed, but so far, we have managed to keep our heads on our necks and I guess that is the ultimate triumph. Don’t you think?…

Chugging gently along the frozen tracks

The steady rhythm of the electric engine is like a lullaby

Slowly and irresistibly drawing me to a half-slumber

My eyelids can’t stay open and only peer open at every stop when the                                                     doorbell chimes

My brain is getting clouded by the illusion of a perfect resting place

Only the occasional whiff of foul-smelling recycled air serves to poke holes in                                           this bubble

A reminder that the journey home is far from done…

Gun. Bam. Gone. Not yet. Still lingering. The taste of copper, the taste of salt. A weight, in her arms. Limp. The weight moves to her chest. Blood on her chest. Blood on her hands. The air is hot, burning. Voices dance around. Blood. Something shrieks. Blood.  Her mother knew. She feels him move away. She knew. A hole. An endless hole. Screaming. Her screaming. Her screaming in the past, through the past, into the present. She’s screaming-

Tiffany Williams wakes sitting up right, every muscle in her body tense, ready to run or to fight. For a moment her mind seems to be frozen, unsure of where she is or what she’s doing. Then it all comes back in a flash, and she lies back down with a sigh.

She looks at the alarm on the table beside her, and sighs again. 3 am. To early to get up, but based on past experiences, she won’t be getting much sleep either. She turns on a light and grabs a worn book from the end table, hoping a couple pages will knock her out.
Bam. Copper. Hot. The dream starts to come back, vague feelings and images. It doesn’t matter; she knew what it was about. It’s the same one that always wakes her up in a panic.

She tries to push the memories back, to concentrate on the words before her. But they float away, not strong enough to keep her attention. She feels that weight in her chest, heavier than anything she’s ever known. It wants to pull her down, back into that time and place. She gets out of bed, hoping that a glass of water will distract her.

Walking by her dresser, she notices a picture that’s been sitting there for years. She picks it up, fingering the worn edges. She barely ever pays it any mind, but tonight it fascinates her. It’s of her and two of her sorority sisters, sitting on the deck of their old Greek house. They’re holding drinks, wearing short shorts and bikini tops, smiling joyous smiles. Nothing would ever go wrong in these girls’ lives. They’re rich, and beautiful, and never had a moment of real pain. She looks around her little room, with the paint chipping off the walls, the worn bed and the stained sheets, and the discount clothes thrown haphazardly on the floor. And she looks in the mirror, something she so often tries to avoid. The girl in the picture is tanned with long luxurious blonde hair. The girl in the mirror has lost that tan, and her hair is flat and unkempt. But the eyes are the biggest difference. They were once so happy and expressive.
Now they look back at her with pain and a deep sadness. So few years have passed, but so much has changed. So much….. Read the rest of this entry »

she’s common
just another teenage jerk

she’s cold and empty
and so is her belly
the pill couldn’t fix it
but the coat hanger did the trick

high school hierarchy
the punchline of life
honestly, after high school what do you have?
they won’t take you seriously anyways…

but don’t fret
it’s a ghost world
full of blank minds and lost causes
generic people
too consumed in their own doom…

unfortunately, this could have all been avoided
if she didn’t spend so much time on her back
but yet again, if she didn’t you wouldn’t know her name
because boning captain football
always leads to instant fame.

dumb people suck.
dumb people suck bcos they make you dumb
dumb people suck bcos they make you dumb bcos they dont understand simple things
dumb people suck bcos they force you repeat yourself
i hate repeating my self
repeating my self sucks
so, in conclusion
dumb ppl suck bcos they make you dumb
you always have to repeat yourself
and that’s why dumb people suck so much.