Moments created like these are
Inner self doubts radically increasing
Never to be seen walking along side my integrity
Dimwitted in open doors, by all reasons
Losing my individuality through the perfunctory route
Endured by lonely nights and heartaches, I am left
Soul searching with a bottle of bitter whiskey
Satisfaction taken behind a dark alley, I knew
Justice was no longer a neighbor
Original sins still calls me, my silent whisper
Yearns for possibilities—do I exist?

Daddy left
So much to be said
But my teeth had scatter my tongue so poorly
A goodbye wasn’t even tempted
Nothing came out; I stood there and didn’t even fight
To say the words that had been slowly prepared
Two nights ago when I tripped over his yellow suitcase

Shame still follows me home,
Its intensity became my fame
Disgrace—my reflection likes to hurl at me
A dagger would be a smoother pain
Because when it happened
My young heart was frayed out my flat chest
On the floor left to bleed
Bit dramatic but true, I had to wipe the mess
The drastic realization when I dropped the knife
My wrist slowly bleeding, of course it had to be slow
So I can think about my actions
The loneliness slowly creeping behind me
Waiting and dancing to the ‘Saddest goodbye’

Momma left
So much to say but
The beginning has shattered my speech
You would think that I learned
But the pain, greater than before stopped me
I wanted to reach out, asked the reasons why
When she took her bags, my young feet stalking
Closer than her shadow,
My knees scratched from crawling on the floor
Begging and pledging, that was the first and last time I begged

I left
My childhood dreams and hopes
Crumbing more than bread crumbs
I cried- the last time I cried
My eyes stood clear and bright
The sun compare to me, was such a wasteful shame
But deep instead, in the corner of what’s left of my broken
Heart, people are always leaving.

Once, not long ago
I tried it
Popping pills like peanut M&Ms
No separation
Only desperation
I was determine, a goal seeker
Achievement set in permanent
A name grave in stone
Remember me, remember me
It sang so softly, a jealous wind
Would have kept company

Once, not long ago
I felt it
The same anguish feeling
The desire to throw oneself over the edge
The minutes in my life resemblances
The seconds are getting too close
To that same shameless sentiment
Anger, sadness, loneliness,
All the emotions that spins itself
Out of proportion- a golden pear
Molding, diminished over the years.

Once, not long ago
I almost gave up
A cheese grown moldy,
Harden by its bitterness,
The taste of anger still stings
Like an aged tequila from Jalisco
That feeling, that same old feeling
Of waiting to be free
Wanting to at last know,
Wanting to cross the definite line
Of life and death

Once, not long ago
I lay on a hospital bed,
Forgiven, I had to accept for myself
For doing the things I’ve done
The desire to punish myself
Was greater than the bitterness
And shamefulness that has made its place
In the corner of my heart

Once, not long ago
I was told,
I had to forgive myself
For if I do not forgive myself,
Who will?
The guilt will settle comfortably
Always a shadow, walking along side me
Watching me, patiently waiting
For that feeling to come again

Once, not long ago
I forgive-
And so I lived

Bluebonnets blowing across the forlorn Devil river
My feet sluggishly slapping its shallow end
The brightness of the sun competing with my smile
Underneath my smile are clouds darker than Carina Nebula
Underneath my smile, pain is slowly larking around
The corner of my lips, gradually turning downwards
The pieces of my heart tumbling like an ending tune of
Mozart’s No.16 at its best resonance
My head shaking back and forth, fighting the tears
Descending its way down my soft red cheeks
Told myself I would be strong, I would be stronger
But somehow my heart is more fragile than the pool of water
Reflecting my scared inner thoughts and dreams
Told myself I would be strong, I would be stronger
Every word that you said replays itself a in backward
Birth of achiness and tightness around my soul
So now I’m at lost for every move I make is a step
Closer to heartache
At the moment heartache is a better friend than
The embarrassment and conclusion that love doesn’t
Always love you back.

Love is a terrible thing-
The heart breaks to thousand pieces
Thousand of wishes spread across the ocean like dust
The anguish and guilt of shameless thoughts are burnt
Ashes suppressing concealed hunger and desires
Of hidden blushes and flirtatious eyes

Love is a terrible thing-
Un-return, the heart shatters
Heartfelt thunders soon follow lonesome rain drops,
The angels are crying, oh how I love you so,
The words’ used and tossed like a sack of rice
The birds, not at church, are feeding in the park

Love is a terrible thing-
The emotions evoked unseen thoughts
A cocoon of bashful feelings
Dreams and hopes burned like a witch
In Salem’s town square, I long and prayed
No answer, what have I done wrong?

Love is a terrible thing-
For once the heart knows and recognizes
It kinship, it travels across time and space
No doubt, a heart sits and waits for its better half
Neither wealth nor beauty can play a foul game

Love in the end is a terrible thing-
For now that I had a taste, I want no other
I would wait and affirm the rightful heir to my heart
Thousand of wishes, and thousand of kisses,
All left unshared, concealed in vivid purity

Love is a terrible thing-
For sure when the heart stops beating
Love will continue, diffusing no patience for death
Love will continue, until better souls meet half way—again.
Love is a terrible thing- for once the heart experience love
It settles for no less, contentment plays no part.