I looked around the apartment.

My soul was stuck in a bitter turmoil;

For the place looked exactly like I had pictured.

I stared at Derek.

 

“What are you doing here?”

He asked me. I looked at him and asked

“Shouldn’t that be my question?”

He arched one of his eyebrows.

 

“I want you to know that when you get home,

Package your things and leave.”

He looked surprised at my command,

As if I would allow a cheating man to remain with me.

 

“I will send you the divorce papers,

And you can have whatever you want,

I just want the apartment and left alone.”

I watched him take a seat.

 

“Sit down!”

He said it softly but I heard the clenching threat and demand

In his voice and the ticks in his cheeks.

I sat down.

 

“You have known me for ten yes and

Now you decide you want to divorce

Me without a reason.”

I thought he was joking until I looked at his face.

 

“Derek, I saw you!”

I said quietly for I wasn’t sure what was happening anymore.

Why would he try to deny something I saw?

He got up and slammed his fist into the kitchen wall.

 

“You ungrateful little bitch!”

I was bit thrown back for this was the first

Time I ever heard Derek curse.

My heart crack wider than the wall.

 

“I did all of this for you and this is what I get?”

He wasn’t done.

“I worked late each night; came here to work;

So I can buy you this fucking apartment!”

 

He wasn’t done.

“This is how you repay me,

You untruthful little bitch”

I stood up.

 

“Sit down!”

He pushed me back on the couch.

The cushions were the only comfort I got.

“All of this for you and you accuse me of cheating.”

 

“I saw you!”

I cried out.

“I saw you smiling, laughing, she had a ring on.

And this is my apartment! I wanted it first!”

 

I knew I sounded like a baby.

I could have slept with my shame

For a lifetime never even come

Close to the regret living inside of me.

 

“You saw me! Yes you saw me doing all

those things. Where is your trust that you

promise me long ago? Have I ever giving you

any reasons to doubt me?”

 

I didn’t say a word. I didn’t have an answer

That wouldn’t sound childish;

That wouldn’t sound ignorant;

That wouldn’t sound insignificant.

 

Shame was boiling inside of me

For I knew that the trust that was built

Over ten years was crumbling to pieces

When I first doubted Derek.

 

Two months, three days, five hours, and twenty seconds-

I watched Derek gave one white lie.

At the time if I had talked to him

I would have known the reasons.

 

Instead I found myself brooding

About the reasons behind the lie

Instead of the lie he actually told.

I cried.

 

“I want you to go home, pack your stuff

And leave. You can stay here, since

It’s the apartment you wanted-

I will send for you when I am ready.”

 

I didn’t beg.

I got up and walked out the door.

I was please for what was left of the night

Covered my agony and disgrace.

 

Once again, I blended myself with the night

Hoping to fight some of my shame off.

I tried walking backward.

Maybe reencounter the stolen love and peace we used to have.

 

What was done was done.

I didn’t know if Derek would forgive me

For the thin line of trust

Between Derek and I has been breached.

 

Where did we move on from all things broken?

When he will doubt whatever I say

And I will doubt rather he believed what I said.

The future will not show itself to me.

 

I heard the truth.

I heard the wind.

I heard the darkness.

If only I hadn’t read between the lines.