Fire can burn me
But also keep me warm
Water can drown me
But also quench my thirst
Food can choke me
But also feed me
Life can kill me
But also free me
Love can hate me
But also carry me
Between good and bad
I wouldn’t know one without the other
If I didn’t have another to
Compare.
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If anyone reads my comments on Heavenskyy then they already know that I favor simple meanings and the “spirit” of a poem, rather than a hundred stanzas of anxiously-written poetry with contrived wordplay that seeks to bury it’s purpose.
KA-BOOM! To me, this direct and simple poem just explodes with life, in my own uneducated opinion.
The only minor correction I can think would be to take MORE words out towards the end! Sugar, please forgive me, but I’m having fun with your poem! How about this?
Love can torture me
But also carry me
Between good and bad
I wouldn’t know the one
Without the other
Hey there, sorry I took so long to reply… I have thought about it but decided to keep it this way, by doing so I would be losing my metric system. I had to hub over the “compare” in the poem because I didn’t want anyone missing the point or re-reading slowly to finally understand it. The last two lines brings my poem together as a whole…emphasize my point “If I didn’t have another to compare” … the whole idea was to say if I read each stanza to you, would you understand without reading the whole poem together. Just my thought…
I heard your song and I love it… sounded way better then I did. I would love to read a short story from you… to see what your mind can conjure up…
I’m glad you kept it the way it was! I was just having fun with your words, and I’m glad you didn’t take it the wrong way.
Thank you for the song compliment.