I feel that my life is determined

I see the green swaying leaves through an open window
I hear the cries of the birds chattering brightly
Feel the warm breeze blowing across my face
The scents of chaff and pollen that tickle my soul

I feel that my life is determined
In ways that I will never understand
The sun suddenly shining twice as brightly
Re-doubling the rich sea of swaying green leaves before me

My life is determined, I think
By the fluttering of my window drapes
The cry of sparrows and the soft pattering of feet
The splashing of wildlife across mirrored ponds

I feel that my life is determined

To never have enough

To always come this close…

To almost love

My life is determined
It calls to me with the cries of birds
In the distant babbling of glacial brooks
With the faintest flapping of butterfly wings

It pulls at me constantly
My heart racing wildly
My cheeks stretched wide in smiling wonder

With determination

Soft and kissable eyes
Butterfly kisses me, my love.
I’ll hold on to memories left alone
Centuries, decades, rebirth in a backward birth
I swear I saw you, I held you, and I kissed you
I swear I had told you that I loved you
But I’ll tell you again and again
Until somewhere in time, when we meet
Without a doubt your heart would know mine,
Souls meeting half way to heaven.
I swear that I ran into your arms
Heaven open its doors-
It was you.

Soft and soulful laughs
Touch me gently so I won’t faint.
Your touch burns a desire so bright
That it put the stars to shame.
I swear that I laid in your arms
While I watched you worked your charms.
I swear that I chased you, hide and seek
Oh how we bear souls without fears.
I swear that I dreamt of you,
Meeting somewhere between times.

Your touch, the lines around your eyes
Says what words cannot portray.
I held you as you held me
Tears burning my forlorn soul
As your hand slipped—away from mine.
Gripping tightly as time changes,
Past, present, future, somewhere in time
I swear love that I’ll be in your arms again.
I swear that I’ll look into your eyes,
While you wipe my weeping heart,
We’ll hold hands, souls tightly breaded
And make our way to heaven.

Once, not long ago
I tried it
Popping pills like peanut M&Ms
No separation
Only desperation
I was determine, a goal seeker
Achievement set in permanent
A name grave in stone
Remember me, remember me
It sang so softly, a jealous wind
Would have kept company

Once, not long ago
I felt it
The same anguish feeling
The desire to throw oneself over the edge
The minutes in my life resemblances
The seconds are getting too close
To that same shameless sentiment
Anger, sadness, loneliness,
All the emotions that spins itself
Out of proportion- a golden pear
Molding, diminished over the years.

Once, not long ago
I almost gave up
A cheese grown moldy,
Harden by its bitterness,
The taste of anger still stings
Like an aged tequila from Jalisco
That feeling, that same old feeling
Of waiting to be free
Wanting to at last know,
Wanting to cross the definite line
Of life and death

Once, not long ago
I lay on a hospital bed,
Forgiven, I had to accept for myself
For doing the things I’ve done
The desire to punish myself
Was greater than the bitterness
And shamefulness that has made its place
In the corner of my heart

Once, not long ago
I was told,
I had to forgive myself
For if I do not forgive myself,
Who will?
The guilt will settle comfortably
Always a shadow, walking along side me
Watching me, patiently waiting
For that feeling to come again

Once, not long ago
I forgive-
And so I lived

In her mind, she finds
Disaster
And her dreams never see
The morning after
And she thinks it’s fine
To be suffering all the time
’cause her eyes can only see
Disaster

She’s a girl, who’s world
Is tragic
And she bears her pain
Like an addict
And she hopes, and prays
To be suffering through her day
’cause her eyes can only see
What’s tragic

I see the love there in her eyes
See the wind blow through her hair
She could laugh, but she just don’t care to
It just isn’t meant to be
She’s got too much dignity

In her mind, she’s blind
To beauty
And she makes her pain
Her duty
And her heart’s resigned
To be suffering all the time
’cause her eyes, could never see
The beauty

I see the love there in her eyes
See the wind blow through her hair
She could laugh, but she just don’t care to
It just isn’t meant to be
She’s got too much dignity

It just isn’t going to be
She’s got too much misery

I’m thinking of you
In a faraway place
With a smile upon
Your face
And a pleasure
Deep inside
That’s made you a happy girl

.
Now I’m burning bright
My heart is alight
Your letter arrived
With a picture inside
And the words that you say
Could tumble away
I’m lost in a haze
With your picture

.
That was a special smile
You shared for me
Soulful eyes
You bared for me
And you’ve put me at ease
Gave me a tease
You comforted me
With your picture

.
And now I’m thinking of you
In a faraway place
With a smile upon
Your face
And a pleasure
Deep inside
That’s made you a happy girl

.
When daylight gives way
To starlight display
And I lay in the night
Your picture beside
The dreams that grow near
Are sparkling clear
Drawing me in
To your picture

.
I’m thinkin’ of you
In a faraway place
With a smile upon
Your face
And a pleasure
Deep inside
That’s made you a happy girl